My first year of coaching is vividly imprinted on my memory. My challenge and intention were the same – to be there, fully present, attentive to the coachee for the duration of the session. My aim was to be mindfully present, an independent, objective and compassionate listener and coach, attentive without judgment allowing none of my own thoughts to creep into and spoil the sanctity of the coaching space. This goal was not always easy to realize.
To help me learn how to quiet and empty my mind, I placed a large crystal vase in my window to serve as a symbol of emptiness – ready to receive what was there and reflect it back truthfully to the coachee, much like the cut crystal refracted the sunlight into a prism that cast its rainbow spectrum onto the white walls of my office over the course of a coaching conversation. This was a powerful image for me and I would enjoy meditating on this vase for a few minutes prior to my coaching calls.
Another tool I used during the coaching session, when I felt a sudden urge to offer advice or found myself talking too much were the letters W.A.I.T. written on a small piece of paper taped to my computer. W.A.I.T. stands for “Why am I talking?” and was a great reminder to me to respect the power of silence and the role of active listening. These two tools served me well and helped me deepen my practice. Like any practices, done intentionally and consistently over time, coaching has transformed me.
Becoming an executive life and business coach has given me the opportunity to recreate myself professionally after a 25 year career as a cultural executive with expertise in producing festivals, conferences and events. Developing my coaching skills and practice over the last 6 years has deepened my awareness of myself and allowed me to integrate my talents, passions and skills as facilitator, trainer and coach.
I’ve come to understand leadership and healing, two of the primary thrusts of my work, in new ways and recognize the important role cultivating presence plays in all three – coach, healer and leader. This knowledge has led to a deeply grounded sense of acceptance and a shift towards a more open, appreciative and trusting attitude towards the universe….the future is friendly and the present is the moment of power in which we create through choice and action.
Recognizing presence as fundamental to authentic being has shifted my focus away from the busy-ness of doing towards cultivating a more authentic sense of being present in myself. This shift in values has found expression in the creation of the Kaizen Leadership Institute, I founded to create new, holistic, approaches to help people become authentic, mindful leaders through home study courses, personal and group coaching journeys and a coach certification program.
What has fundamentally changed over the years of coaching are my values. I’ve redefined what I mean by success. I see myself and the world now with a greater sense of compassion. In the process, I’ve learned the value of the space between things – between people, thoughts, feelings and actions. I also actively appreciate and enjoy the things that matter to me and am mindfully grateful for all that I receive. I no longer feel that it’s all up to me; that I’m only as good as my next performance, festival or event. I’ve released those thoughts and replaced them with thoughts that are less judgmental and more life affirming.
What I’ve learned through my own journey, is what I now, as coach, help facilitate for others, for we will never be able to lead others if we cannot first lead ourselves.
This article was first published in the December 2013 edition of Worldwide Coaching Magazine
About Julia von Flotow
