Death and dying provokes a host of feelings. We become aware of everything we have ever thought and felt about the person dying. Acknowledging your feelings does not necessarily mean you have to act on them. Knowing that you still harbour anger, frustration, resentment, jealousy, regret, bitterness may seem very unpleasant to you and yet it may not be appropriate for you to express these when a person is dying or suffering deeply.
Take care that you say or do nothing that you may later regret.
While we experience loss and grief throughout our lives, loss of control and ultimate surrender to the process is the experience of dying. Awareness and the desire to alleviate pain and suffering can help us develop the Inner Power to hold a feeling, unpleasant as it may be, without giving in to the impulse to give it expression.
Learning to experience and contain strong and powerful emotions without repressing them is a practise. Aligning ourselves with our inherent desire to help enables us transcend the complex web of unpleasant feelings that are a part of us to provide compassionate, loving support to the person.
If we are unable to transcend the murky personal web of unpleasant feelings, we had best step back from the situation, remembering and respecting the Hippocratic oath, “First, Do No Harm!” There will be others more capable than we in this particular situation and we can apply what we have learned to our day to day lives.
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About Julia von Flotow
