The ego is the “I”, the social self or personality we and others identify with, as us. It manifests in the role we play and how we play it. Our ego is the vehicle through which we act in this world to pursue our dreams, achieve our goals and get things done.
Our ego is outward focused. It tends to measure success by the effect we have on others and uses “compare and contrast” as a means to ascertain value as in “I have more than you (more money, power or authority), so I am better than you.” Success, from the ego’s perspective, is quantifiable. The ego is all about status.
An ego that is out of control is never satisfied and grows by grabbing, clutching and elbowing its way into opportunities that foster and enhance these functions in order to improve its stature.
Danger of the Ungrounded Ego
An ungrounded ego places the individual at grave risk and is a threat to self and others, as history, time and again, has shown. The axiom “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men” coined by Lord Acton in 1887 reflects this insight.
When we lose awareness and connection to what deeply matters to us, caused by any number of stressors, we become ungrounded and emotionally vulnerable to the whims and manipulations of our own ego and susceptible to the ego drives of other people.
People with an ungrounded ego lack awareness of what they are feeling or experiencing in their bodies. They’ve separated and isolated themselves from the feelings, thoughts and experiences of others. Intoxicated by their own self-importance, they fail to show concern or appreciation for others and the natural world. An out of control ego is powered by greed.
A healthy, Self-identified ego on the other hand, is grounded in its context. It balances personal wants and needs with the needs of the natural, social and economic realities of the world it operates in, recognizing that we, as individuals, are part of an interdependent, dynamic whole – a living system. 
It’s only through introspection and reflection that we access and cultivate a deeper, more grounded and embodied sense of self – a state which holds the ego accountable to the heart, the feeling centre and universal connection to Source. Without self-awareness and the compassion and respect for self and others that comes with it, a person’s ego can run amok, lose touch and become inflated with its own self-importance. When the feeling sensibility is weak or under-developed the ego steps up to take control.
An out of control ego, is one that can no longer be managed or regulated by its owner. Highly inventive in its efforts to manipulate the owner and the world around it to achieve its ends, the out of control ego, if turned inward, can result in the experience of an over-active inner critic, tyrant or self-saboteur. It may stop at nothing including the demise and exploitation of its host individual. An out of control ego shows no mercy and dominates in the psyche of the host individual, creating conditions that trap and suffocate the human heart and its feeling capacity.
The healthy ego’s role, on the other hand, is to be of service – to give expression and manifest in the world the vision of the inner self, the heart, and enable the individual to live their life on-purpose. The 
healthy ego recognizes that we are all connected and allows itself to be guided by the wisdom and inherent authority of the awakened heart.
For the healthy ego to fulfill its role, the heart’s feeling centre must open, awaken and connect to its deepest, innermost values and then learn to be guided and live by them. Compassion, for self and others is the result. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and identify emotions, understand the cause of feelings and recognize the difference between feelings and actions.
“Compassion is Enlightened Self Interest.“ Dalai Lama
Mindfulness – the practice of being present to our experience in the moment without judgment or commentary cultivates awareness and appreciation for the subtle dimensions of human perception. Being honest with ourselves and noticing the impact our thoughts and actions have on ourselves and others helps us cultivate a healthy, grounded, ego.
Giving ourselves permission to experience what we feel, without judgment or commentary, simply observing and witnessing ourselves in the action of our lives, abiding and attending to what is with a spirit of appreciative enquiry and compassion is at the core of mindfulness practice. It is what the best coaching facilitates.
By noticing what we are noticing without judgment or commentary, we discipline our egos and cultivate mindfulness. A mindful approach enhances our ability to self-regulate, develop emotional self-control, adaptability, openness, the ability to focus, accept responsibility, take initiative and apply ourselves. Self-management is ego-management. A self-aware person realizes her impact on others and the environment and makes adjustments to her behaviour in response to the feedback she’s receiving, guided by her values, integrity and desires.
Realizing the outcome is always beyond our control, the self-empowered individual focuses on creating intention and harnesses the healthy ego to direct the focus of her efforts, step by step. The ego, in service to the Self, expressed through intention, knows its place and focuses attention to direct the action in a way that meets the needs and wishes of its self-regulated host.
As the individual develops Self-awareness and becomes increasingly Self-directed; the formerly out of control, dominant ego may face a crisis. Threatened by loss of its former role, the ego has been known to throw a tantrum. What’s needed in this situation is for the Awakened Heart to stand its ground, as primal authority, and provide the ego with a new role description, one that suits its profile and allows it to exercise its unique strengths, in service to the whole. The ego, by its very nature, cannot refuse the urgings and direction of the Awakened Heart. The Leader Within must however first recognize and realize itself.
It’s in this moment of ego compliance, that a new wholesome order in the inner being of the individual is born and the inner conflict, that is the experience of an out of control ego, is replaced with an ever-expanding sense of inner peace and Self-empowered leadership.
Leadership is a role, a process and a practice the healthy ego enables through mindful commitment to best practice development, step by step.
Learn more about this deep Inner Self-authentication process that is at the core of the Kaizen Leadership Institute’s training and coaching programs.
This article was first published in the April 2014 edition of Worldwide Coaching Magazine
About Julia von Flotow
I'm glad to read the story on Ego. I always hearing that it's just a bad thing. I want to say that ego is a friend that must be recognized. Although I say nothing because they dismiss it as ego generated crap. (brain washed)