Selfless services span a continuum of care. One extreme might see selfless caregiving as genuine, effortless and authentic, a charitable act of unconditional love and compassion-in-action embodied and expressed in spiritual saints epitomized by larger than life figures like Mother Teresa, Gandhi and Jesus.
At the other end of this spectrum are acts of giving tied to conditions with expectation for return, often powered by unfulfilled needs for recognition, approval and acceptance or bound to a deep sense of duty and obligation. The pretence of “selfless devotion to another’s care” when not grounded in values, or supported by heart-centered awareness, is misdirected and can backfire to compromise the caregiver’s own state of health and wellbeing leading to compassion-fatigue and burnout.
While the goal of caregiving may have merit, the motivation embedded in the caregiving act, may be perceived and felt by the receiver and be counterproductive to the relationship.
You can’t give from empty!
Caregiving can be inspired and illuminated or tedious and wearing and run the gamut of every sentiment in between. Caregivers may vacillate between being totally “there” and present for their “loved-one” one day, to being cold and aloof the next. A question to ask yourself is “How well are my needs being met?”
If you sacrifice and neglect yourself in the process of providing care, compassion fatigue can lead to resentment and a host of associated feelings that create barriers in your relationship with your loved one and your own mental and emotional health, including:
- guilt
- shame
- regret
- resentment and
- feelings of unworthiness.
Self-honesty and the courage to recognize and heed your feelings and perceptions (with honestly and sensitivity) is critical for your health. The ability to transcend attachments – the human need to grasp, cling, possess and control, is reflected in our state of being…and can be perceived by those around us. For caregiving to be sustainable, you must be balance giving with receiving with effective everyday self-care ritual. Life coaching can help with this process.
We can love and care for others only as much as we are able to love, accept and care for ourselves.
Love and acceptance of self is cultivated through reflective practice that balances:
- effort and recovery
- giving and receiving
- caring for self and caring for another.
The heart is the seat of compassion and compassion is at the heart of healing whether healing yourself or helping others.
Gratitude, Appreciation and Forgiveness
Gratitude, appreciation, forgiveness are mindfulness practices that help develop your ability to centre, ground and see clearly. In the process, you learn to:
- attune to your feelings
- recognize and honour your strengths
- acknowledge patterns of thought and limiting beliefs and
- learn to make choices that help you align your actions with deep seated core values.
Need to vent, brainstorm strategies to help you through a challenging situation? I’m here to help! Reach out and let’s start a conversation.
About Julia von Flotow
