Three years ago, when Melissa first came to me for coaching, she shared with me that “everything in my life was out of whack (work/career, relationships, confidence and love for myself). I wanted to improve balance and alignment in my life.”
In this article I have drawn on Melissa’s coaching journals and conversations, with her permission, along with my personal reflections as her coach. Listen to Melissa tell her story.
A trained actor, who wanted to be a filmmaker, Melissa found herself working, as a server, in a restaurant. Feeling an increasing loss of energy and hope, she also felt confused and prone to bouts of anger and depression that grew stronger with every passing day, feeling stuck, entangled, overwhelmed and stressed!
And yet, underneath the seething sea of frustrated creativity, Melissa had a strong belief in her inherent creative potential. It was this self-belief that I detected and addressed in our first conversation that gave her hope. Finally feeling heard, Melissa took the chance and decided to work with me.
After some preliminary self-assessments, we agreed that our first coaching objective was to clarify and define Melissa’s dream – what she wanted – while at the same time working to improve balance and alignment in her life, in the areas of her work, career, relationships, confidence and relationship to self and others. Melissa opted for my Authentic Self – Aligning Head and Heart coaching program.
The Discipline of Self-Development
It’s in moments of self-recognition that I see an opportunity to share the Mindfulness Cycle with the coachee, often at the very beginning of a coaching journey. For the cycle of reflection, awareness, choice and disciplined action to work, the Self must commit to the practice.
Melissa and I met on a weekly basis for 1 to 2 hour in-person coaching sessions. She followed through on all the action commitments she made to herself and did the reflective practice of pre- and post-session coaching journals, self-assessments and periodic progress reviews. After the initial 12 week coaching journey, Melissa was happy with the results. She wrote “The coaching process really changed my life – It helped me rediscover a sense of confidence that I knew I had all along yet was unable to access.” Here’s her story:
CHOICES: I discovered the power of making choices – that choices create actions. I learned that no one is going to give me the go ahead on making my own decisions – I do that.
CONFIDENCE: I gained confidence to ask for what I want; learned tools and processes that allow me to work as a filmmaker, to have better relations with my clients and with myself – I realized that my career goals and dreams don’t exist in a bubble…they exist inside me and I can definitely make them happen.
RELATIONSHIPS: I learned how not to be a doormat – that I don’t have to feel bad about asking for what I want and to be confident that my expectations are reasonable and fair and based in my morals and values.
TRUST: I learned how to be the real me when I’m with someone else, how to trust myself – to trust my GUT. I’ve always had it there, yet I didn’t listen to it enough. It always spoke up, yet I sort of sssshhhed it. I now know that it’s very important. I realize that I trust myself again!
RESULTS: Life happened with Julia. I didn’t just think about it happening. It happened! I finished two film projects, signed a contract for more work, and branched out and found new clients…. My life is moving forward, my career is moving forward. I see results everyday.
Life is so much more exciting when you enjoy being with yourself. I now feel very empowered and really enjoy being me. It feels amazing.”
The Coaching Continuum
Eight months later, Melissa approached me to help her clarify her career direction. The rapport we had established over the course of our first coaching journey helped Melissa embrace her vision to become a documentary filmmaker in just four coaching sessions. She joined a boutique marketing firm as their in-house videographer to acquire knowledge and develop her skills.
Since then, we’ve had three more coaching journeys. The first one that followed was a year later, to help her transition from employee to freelance film maker. She writes, “It seemed at the time a daunting task, mostly because I wanted it sooo badly.” Our work together focused on the development of her vision, strategy and design of a business model and structure to enable her to launch herself as an independent film maker. She designed a menu of services and figured out how to price them, how to quote a job; developed check lists and specialized instruments to help her with acquiring and managing her work process. She developed her marketing vision, brand, ideal clients and a plan for how to attract them. Short-term goals helped Melissa direct her focus and secure contracts that inspired her and allowed her to apply her skills and talents.
A year later, the stress of working solo, and doing everything it takes to lead and manage a small business were taking their toll. Two years into our coaching partnership, Melissa reflects on her journey: “And of course probably the most helpful is the full support of me honouring myself, encouraging me to love myself and be at the centre of me and take joy in that, and helping me move forward/make decisions without judgment. Really really powerful work….Results were exactly as I wanted them to be. I moved from employee to freelancer! And months before our projected date of it happening.,,,,What an amazing feeling, to focus my skills on what I like doing best…”
Redefining Success
As Melissa’s business grew, so did her skills and confidence. We’ve enjoyed two additional coaching journeys since the one that launched her business. They varied in focus and duration moving between and harmonizing the personal and professional domains – a healthy and balanced alignment of heart and head.
In the journal from our last coaching session, she writes, “It is getting easier and easier for me to connect with the things that make me feel like me. And it is getting easier to pinpoint what it is that isn’t working for me, and also easier for me to find ways of making them work that keep with honouring myself. That is a really nice feeling. To know that I can count on myself.…I can completely and wholly believe in what I want. That is a REALLY good feeling. It’s a very powerful feeling, to not let anything (even my own mind!!!!) get in my way!”
Melissa’s story is one example of transformational and integrative learning a coaching journey provides for the client. Each coaching session creates a framework to reinforce the mindfulness cycle. (Link to the Quiet Transformative Power of Mindfulness Coaching blog article) Reflecting on and acknowledging what’s working and celebrating successes reinforces positive developments and helps release old unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaviour. In the process, the intention is further clarified and action is designed that inspires and motivates commitment.
Today, Melissa says “I embrace all my experiences and love my own authenticity – the things I know and want. I no longer work towards specific external goals, instead I seek out opportunities that challenge and fulfill me. Now, I’m hungry to develop more ways to express myself. Everyday, I seek out things that I like and challenge myself without judging. What coaching with Julia gave me was trust and self-reliance.”
You can too. Get in touch to learn how redefining success can help you get started on a path of personal growth, healing and empowerment. Contact us to schedule a free strategy consultation.
This article was first published in the April 2013 edition of Worldwide Coaching Magazine.
About Julia von Flotow
